The Triplets

Our IVF cycle...

Two of the three "babies" that were put back into my uterus.

Under my bladder (the big black blob) is my uterus.  You can see in the middle of my uterus the babies that were put in (the lighter spots).  Okay, maybe you cannot see them, but I can see them perfectly.  :)



As you know, our first (and only so far) attempt at IVF did not end well.  After my procedure, the pictures above were compared, by me, to EVERY picture available on the internet as I compared/contrasted and generally over obsessed with whether or not our "babies" were normal.  Waiting to know if the embryos would take was a nightmare.  It was the longest wait of my life...and it only lasted 6 days.  For those 6 days though, I had triplets inside me.  Three embryos hand chosen by my doctor to hopefully give us at least one child. 

The morning we arrived for our embryo transfer we were of course optimistic, but on edge.  Before the procedure I was given Valium to relax my uterus.  The Valium mixed with my nerves and seeing Randy in his surgical outfit made me quite giggly.  As we waited to go into the transfer room we laughed and were silly, but the moment I was taken to the table, I was as serious as a heart attack.  The doctor gave us the bad news that our embryos weren't doing so well.  We had 13 eggs fertilize and by that day, we had significantly less making it.  Many had degenerated and some weren't as developed as they would like...blastocyst stage.  They grade your embryos and we had one A, a few Bs and mostly Cs.  So, Dr. Abuzeid suggested we transfer the A and two of the Bs.  He spent a few minutes discussing with us the possibility of triplets or twins or just one or none.  In a matter of moments we made the decision to transfer those three knowing that there was a possibility of triplets.  He went over the statistics with us (which are foggy, but I believe it was a 45% chance of one, 30 % chance of twins and a 15% chance of triplets) and then we were ready to go.

From the moment we were shown the picture of our "babies" in my belly, we were hooked.  They would now be referenced as the triplets and for 6 days I felt pregnant.  This is a part of the infertility insanity.  I had been trying for 2 years to get pregnant.  For me, this time was precious and oh I milked it.  I was all about the triplets.  Randy would ask me to do something and I would sigh and say, "I can't because of the triplets." Or, I'd eat an extra portion and would explain that I was eating for four.  I was so happy and would rub my belly as if I were 6 months pregnant (which I looked, due to the hyperstimulation of my ovaries). 

The day after Thanksgiving my mom, sister and I did our annual day after Thanksgiving shopping.  About half way through our trip I went to the bathroom and noticed I was spotting.  I immediately told my sister, her being an OB student, and she made me feel better saying it could be a ton of things, including implantation spotting.  Then I kind of got excited.  Maybe it was time for implantation.  I couldn't wait to get home so that I could do my internet research.  That night I convinced myself those babies were implanting.  The next day proved otherwise.

I woke up full flow, no doubt bleeding.  I high tailed it to the doctor and the nurses tried to convince me that there was a possibility it was one or even two of the embryos that were causing the period and there may still be a chance I was pregnant.  I knew though, it wasn't good.  I told them over and over I just knew it wasn't working, but they did what they were supposed to do and told me to keep my chin up and hope for the best while we waited for the blood pregnancy test to come back.

Sadly, none of the embryos made it.  We were devastated.  The triplets were gone. 

Going through IVF was an emotional roller coaster.  There were ups and downs and days that I questioned what on earth we were doing.  If you would have asked me 2 years ago if I ever thought I would do IVF, I would have said, "NO!"  I still cannot believe that I did.  Despite the feeling of loss that followed, I am happy that I did it and would do it again in a heartbeat if I felt I was ready...and had the money.  :) 

First Appointment of My Monitored/Non-Medicated Cycle!

What a day, What a day.  Phew.  I was up at 4:48 (I only set my alarm for times ending in 8) to get ready for my early morning blood work and scan.  My RE's office, IVF Michigan, begins doing ultrasounds and blood at 7am and it is first come, first serve.  I have been there sometimes behind so many women that I have had to call in to work and take the morning off because I would never get out of there in time.  So, as a precaution, I like to get there around 6:15am and just wait outside the door (I usually take papers to grade).  This morning the roads made me a little late and I was the second woman there.  Still pretty good, I was out by 7:30am. 

Did the blood work and had my ultrasound.  She first checked the lining of my uterus and then moved on to my ovaries.  Right ovary looked good.  She thought she saw a cyst, but it ended up being an artery.  I have 10 follicles on the right side.  Measurements were good...on to the left side.  I dread the left side and I hate my left ovary.  It is hidden somewhere in there and is so hard to find.  Added on to that, today's ultrasound was with small ovaries.  When they get giant during a medicated cycle, I can usually push on my stomach to move it to a spot making it easier to find.  When they are not stimulated with meds though, pushing doesn't help.  Today she tried until my eyes closed, my body was writhing, I was lifting off the table and the sweating started.  We found it for a second, but didn't get follicle counts or a size.  Oh, I am so happy when we are done with that stupid ovary.  Other than that, pretty easy.  She said after the doctor saw my scans and went over my blood work, they would call. 

I got the call later in the day and everything looks good so far.  My bloodwork is good, which it always is early on, and I go back for another scan next Friday.  :)

Sometimes I Get Pissed Off!

I am so hormonal right now and it sucks.  I hate the first day of my period.  It is a slap in the face and a cruel reminder of not being pregnant.  Day 1 is the anti-pregnancy.  It is polar opposite of being pregnant.  It makes me angry.  I hate it.

To add insult to injury, we were out shopping and as we were going through the check-out, I motioned to Randy at the trash that was walking in the door (I know, I am so mean).  A girl came in no older than 16 with, who I later found out, her grandma and a boy that appeared to have an IQ of a questionable range.  After nudging Randy to take a peek at the situation, I heard a high pitched squeal as an employee and this girl embraced in one of those, "Oh my God I haven't seen you in so long," hugs.  They took a moment to reacquaint and then the grandma said, "Can you point us in the direction of the maternity clothes, not that we are looking or anything."  Wink, wink, as she rubbed the 16 year-olds belly.  More squeals while the children (girls) giggled and laughed and shared their excitement.  Blah, blah, blah, the parents kicked the girl out of the house, she is now living with grandma and everyone is happy.  I stood pissed as I watched this train wreck taking place and thinking how unfair life is...for me and for that baby that will have those parents.  Poor kid doesn't have a chance. 

Anyway, pity party is over...time to move on.  Tomorrow I start my unmedicated, monitored cycle.  I go in tomorrow (at 7am) for baseline ultrasound and blood work.  They will be checking to see when/if I ovulate and something about luteal phase (which I know is the time after ovulation).  I have never had a monitored cycle and am excited to learn more about my body.  I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow and our course of action.